Life Pets

Broccoli Is Gross

For those of you who have previously dismissed me as shallow and materialistic….you are still totally correct in your assessment.  However, I recently abandoned my need for all things designer after I received a glorious gift in the form of a giant, old, fat-lump covered lab named Broccoli. Broc was…

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Beauty Friends Latest Life

Disco Party

The Text Exchange Lisa:  Do you want to go to a Korean bathhouse in a really bad part of town with me tomorrow? Erin:  Okay. Lisa:  We have to be naked. Erin:  You are going to be jealous of my svelte vagina. Lisa:  I will pick you up at 11:00.…

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Health Latest Life

Listen To My Intuition

I attribute my extraordinary sense of intuition to be the guiding force behind my countless successes in life.  Case in point:  Last month when I was in Hawaii with my girlfriends, we drove past the beach where Bethany Hamilton’s arm was chomped off by a shark.  I then learned approximately…

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Fashion Friends Marriage Travel

Strapping On Hiking Shoes

I always knew I would grow up to marry a doctor or an oil magnate.  I just never imagined I would actually love him.  Oddly enough however, I freaking L-O-V-E my husband.  Like after thirteen years together, the sound of Mike’s chewing doesn’t always make me want to punch him…

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Life My Mom Pets

Cat Tales

“I want to be just like my mom, except with fewer cats and figurines.” -Myself, 35 A few months ago, my mom purchased a pair of designer kittens.  Even though I am really allergic to cats and the military previously inflicted torture upon detained terrorists by forcing them to drive…

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Life Motherhood

Life Lessons

North Korean Dictator, Kim Jung Un, finally resurfaced after he had been MIA for a few weeks.  I called Crime Stoppers to tip them off that he was working as a private contractor in my children’s school district.  I suspected Kim had been hired to assist with the implementation of…

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Health Marriage

Hi My Name is Erin And I Have A Problem

Mike recently staged an intervention after he discovered me cutting up antibiotics with a razor blade and snorting them off the toilet.  He informed me he would no longer write me prescriptions for z-packs until I saw a specialist about my chronic sinus issues.  “Michael, it is super inconvenient to have to…

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Life Motherhood Pets

Leave Me Alone

*I rarely drink.  *= I rarely drink except when I am trying to get pregnant (I legit prayed to God that my kids would not have big foreheads and even doubled up on my prenatal vitamins just in case) annnnd when my family has literally driven me to the brink…

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