Health Life

Take Your Lumps

I found a lump in my armpit.  No.  I have no idea why I was randomly touching my armpit; this part of the story is irrelevant.  I made an appointment at Urgent Care for the following day since I needed to see the doctor who is not married to a…

Continue Reading

Health Life Travel

I Love New Yorkers

Today my daughters requested that I notify them prior to entering the basement when they are playing dolls.  I narrowed my eyes at them.  I know exactly what this means… their Barbies are now sexually active.  Because we were poor growing up, my family could not afford to purchase an…

Continue Reading

Life Pets

Broccoli Is Gross

For those of you who have previously dismissed me as shallow and materialistic….you are still totally correct in your assessment.  However, I recently abandoned my need for all things designer after I received a glorious gift in the form of a giant, old, fat-lump covered lab named Broccoli. Broc was…

Continue Reading

Beauty Friends Latest Life

Disco Party

The Text Exchange Lisa:  Do you want to go to a Korean bathhouse in a really bad part of town with me tomorrow? Erin:  Okay. Lisa:  We have to be naked. Erin:  You are going to be jealous of my svelte vagina. Lisa:  I will pick you up at 11:00.…

Continue Reading

Health Latest Life

Listen To My Intuition

I attribute my extraordinary sense of intuition to be the guiding force behind my countless successes in life.  Case in point:  Last month when I was in Hawaii with my girlfriends, we drove past the beach where Bethany Hamilton’s arm was chomped off by a shark.  I then learned approximately…

Continue Reading

Fashion Friends Marriage Travel

Strapping On Hiking Shoes

I always knew I would grow up to marry a doctor or an oil magnate.  I just never imagined I would actually love him.  Oddly enough however, I freaking L-O-V-E my husband.  Like after thirteen years together, the sound of Mike’s chewing doesn’t always make me want to punch him…

Continue Reading

Life My Mom Pets

Cat Tales

“I want to be just like my mom, except with fewer cats and figurines.” -Myself, 35 A few months ago, my mom purchased a pair of designer kittens.  Even though I am really allergic to cats and the military previously inflicted torture upon detained terrorists by forcing them to drive…

Continue Reading

Life Motherhood

Life Lessons

North Korean Dictator, Kim Jung Un, finally resurfaced after he had been MIA for a few weeks.  I called Crime Stoppers to tip them off that he was working as a private contractor in my children’s school district.  I suspected Kim had been hired to assist with the implementation of…

Continue Reading