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Karmic Tails

My friend Holly is the gal you go to if you need advice.  She is one of those people who conveniently knows something about everything.  If your brain can conjure it, she can help:  plastic surgeons, home décor, make-up, cars, recipes, gyms, worthy twitter followers, vacations spots, bunco, lingerie, shoes, …

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Family Life Pets

Lucky Nipples

I was driving along a busy road to pick my daughters up from school, when I saw a dog playing frogger in traffic.  Now, if there is anything I have a weakness for, it is Italian men and dogs (particularly of the jacked up puppy mill variety). I just knew…

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Life

Seriously?

A couple months ago, my 4 year old and I went up to the store to get some crayons.   When we came out, a woman was standing by my car with her hand on her hip and a surly expression on her face.  She pointed to my car and…

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What’s Grosser Than Gross?

My mother used to tell me “It doesn’t matter how you look on the outside, if you are pretty on the inside.”  This was before she knew I was capable of growing dermoid cysts on my ovaries.  This particular type of cyst can grow teeth, hair and all sorts of…

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Children

Cheek Swab

Mike and I used to live on some property out in the middle of nowhere.  I am not altogether a huge nature fan, but we had cable and my family couldn’t find me, so I was relatively fine with this arrangement until we decided to start reproducing.  It did not…

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Childhood Life Parents

The Mystery Animal

Every summer growing up, my father would load up the Ford Windstar mini-van and take my 3 siblings and me to southern California to see our grandparents.  My ultra-conservative, Christian grandparents lived in a gated old person’s neighborhood where there were approximately a gazillion rules.  They took special care to…

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The Day God Got Mad At Lisa

We used to send our daughter to a Montessori school down the street from us.  Every year they would hold a silent auction/dinner to support the school.  Because this was our daughter’s first year in school and because we are spectacular parents, I decided to forgo my chemical peel and…

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Anxiety To The Rescue

The weekend I left for college, my mom had my room repainted, my furniture moved to the crawlspace, and purchased a Golden Retriever.  She says that the reason she was smiling and humming excessively at that time was because she was trying to feign excitement for much anticipated departure.  Uh-huh,…

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