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Uncategorized

Happy Anniversary

Last week I had to go get a “wellness/med check.” What should have been a simple, mundane task just veered off onto the road of wow-Erin-shut-the-fuck-up and now I am going to go distract myself and pretend that conversation never happened by setting up the tent in the backyard for…

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Life Uncategorized

Predators And Flight Attendants

Since this country currently has a asinine law titled “You cannot get married because you are gay and your sexual preference is clearly wrong whereas mine is right despite my reputable habits of employing call-girls and soliciting sex from airport bathrooms unbeknownst to my wife,” I have decided to write…

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Life Marriage Motherhood Pets Uncategorized

I Love All My Peeps

I am ready to talk about it.  In accordance with the Kubler-Ross Model of the 5 Stages of Grief, I am currently residing in Stage 4, Depression.  On Tuesday, I went to pick my daughter up from pre-school.  Her class is currently torturing “raising” baby chicks.  My daughter informed me…

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Family Life Marriage Uncategorized

Grunt Grunt

Cavemen/women divorce rates were exactly the same as they are today.  I reached this startling conclusion when I woke up this morning to 7 piles of Shih Tzu puke and 2 pissy children.  I called Mike to thank him for leaving the barf for me.  He said he knew nothing…

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Uncategorized

The Day God Got Mad At Lisa

We used to send our daughter to a Montessori school down the street from us.  Every year they would hold a silent auction/dinner to support the school.  Because this was our daughter’s first year in school and because we are spectacular parents, I decided to forgo my chemical peel and…

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