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Family Latest Life Pets

I Told You to Stay

I took Broccoli to the vet for a check-up. My old dog happily obliges. He loves the vet. Not because he is a hypochondriac. He loves everyone. His blood work came back. The vet wants to run a few more tests. Something is not right. I am skilled at detecting…

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Latest Life Pets

Coyotes In the Mist

Last week I got into a little spat with God. I was getting ready for bed and grabbed a yellow tank-top. God was like, “Are you sure you want to wear that? I can see your nipples.” And I was all, “God. Seriously? It’s 2017. Women can wear whatever we…

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Life Pets

Where The Dead Fern Grows

The Great Physician Poster

I spent the past month before I had knee surgery trying to nurse my 9 year old daughter’s chameleon, Fern, back to health.  Fern became “egg bound.”  Essentially, this means she was pregnant, but unable to push those life-suckers out.  The only solution to this harrowing predicament was to spay…

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Life Pets

Broccoli Is Gross

For those of you who have previously dismissed me as shallow and materialistic….you are still totally correct in your assessment.  However, I recently abandoned my need for all things designer after I received a glorious gift in the form of a giant, old, fat-lump covered lab named Broccoli. Broc was…

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Life My Mom Pets

Cat Tales

“I want to be just like my mom, except with fewer cats and figurines.” -Myself, 35 A few months ago, my mom purchased a pair of designer kittens.  Even though I am really allergic to cats and the military previously inflicted torture upon detained terrorists by forcing them to drive…

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Life Motherhood Pets

Leave Me Alone

*I rarely drink.  *= I rarely drink except when I am trying to get pregnant (I legit prayed to God that my kids would not have big foreheads and even doubled up on my prenatal vitamins just in case) annnnd when my family has literally driven me to the brink…

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Family Life My Mom Pets

Extra Crazy Cat Lady

It has been two weeks since my mom’s cat, Mr. Whiskerpuss, passed away.  My mom was utterly devastated, sooooo I took it upon myself to find her another obscenely expensive, purebred kitten to fill the void.  Mike was adamant that I ask my stepfather, Bob, before I bought the cat…

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Life Marriage Pets

My Dog Has A Drinking Problem

I was sitting outside freezing my ass off in the middle of the night waiting for my puppy to whiz when I glanced up at the sky and thought about what a genius the person was that started “selling” stars.  Um…okay…let me see here, I am going to say I…

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