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Category: Marriage

Life Marriage Motherhood

Just Breathe (If You Can)

I have decided I need to start wearing one of those electronic 911 alerting medical bracelets like my grandma does.  This would not be necessary if I had a husband that offered some form of assistance when I am clearly choking on a lentil.  Yep, you read that right.  I…

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Life Marriage

The Legend

My friend, Whitney, has a stomach that underwent a superpower mutation following the Chernobyl disaster in 1986.  The girl can eat ANYTHING and not get sick.  Rancid meat, expired milk, furry yogurt, etc. etc., it does absolutely nothing to upset her Teflon intestines.  A few weeks ago I got food…

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Marriage

I Told You So

Yippppeeee!  Tomorrow is marital counseling day!  I love marital counseling day.  It is the day that Mike and I go sit awkwardly on a couch and discuss the things that annoy us about each other so we don’t get divorced.  For instance, I recently learned it bugs the living shit…

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Marriage

May All Your Dreams Come True

All last week my in-laws were in town.  That was actually not the funny part.  We were sitting there having yet another awkward family dinner when my sister-in-law (who used to not like me but I have sort of grown on her like a fungus over the years) reminded me…

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Marriage

Make Love Not War

Last weekend Mike and I celebrated our anniversary.  Right before we left for dinner I realized one of my beloved dogs was acting like she did not feel well. When we returned home, my precious little Maggie was obviously feeling worse.  She had not touched her little treat or pooped…

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Life Marriage

April Fool’s

I love April Fool’s Day.  Mike hates this day, probably because of me.  A couple years ago, I asked my friend Amanda who was 8 months pregnant at the time, to take a pregnancy test for me.  She lovingly obliged and much to my delight, a plus sign appeared on…

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