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Category: Life

Life Marriage

Icebergs and Negotiations

One of the four neighbors whom I actually like moved right before Thanksgiving.  She needed some help moving some miscellaneous items like a propane tank and a gas can that apparently wouldn’t fit in her giant car (?), so I graciously loaded them into mine and made the trek into…

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Life My Mom

Liquor Stores and Magic Crystals

A month ago, my precious, delish, hilarious mom fell and broke a rib and her leg which, ultimately required major surgery.  Unfortunately, this rendered her an invalid and because I am a self-sacrificing soul of altruism, I am now one of her caretakers. Actually, I just drive her around and…

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Life Marriage

You Can Bank On It

A few nights ago, I received a text from my uncle.  It was a picture of him and some cute chick in an awkward side-hug.  Random.  I took a picture of my dog licking his ass and sent it back to him with a “?”. A few minutes later he…

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Life Lifestyle

Supplemental Income

Lisa’s Version of Events I almost died last week when I accidentally poisoned myself. Three days before I nearly died, I was laying on Erin’s bedroom floor after raiding her closet.  *If you ever need to borrow a dress she has quite the selection.  In fact, she has her very…

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Health Latest Life

Good News Comes In Pairs

I was just skimming through the news and came across the Josh Duggar scandal.  Wow Dude, it is a good thing Jesus apparently loves you because everyone else on the planet thinks you are a fucking asshole.  No wonder your parents went on to have 18 more kids after they…

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Health Life

Take Your Lumps

I found a lump in my armpit.  No.  I have no idea why I was randomly touching my armpit; this part of the story is irrelevant.  I made an appointment at Urgent Care for the following day since I needed to see the doctor who is not married to a…

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Health Life Travel

I Love New Yorkers

Today my daughters requested that I notify them prior to entering the basement when they are playing dolls.  I narrowed my eyes at them.  I know exactly what this means… their Barbies are now sexually active.  Because we were poor growing up, my family could not afford to purchase an…

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Life Pets

Broccoli Is Gross

For those of you who have previously dismissed me as shallow and materialistic….you are still totally correct in your assessment.  However, I recently abandoned my need for all things designer after I received a glorious gift in the form of a giant, old, fat-lump covered lab named Broccoli. Broc was…

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