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Health Latest Life

Good News Comes In Pairs

I was just skimming through the news and came across the Josh Duggar scandal.  Wow Dude, it is a good thing Jesus apparently loves you because everyone else on the planet thinks you are a fucking asshole.  No wonder your parents went on to have 18 more kids after they…

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Health Life

Take Your Lumps

I found a lump in my armpit.  No.  I have no idea why I was randomly touching my armpit; this part of the story is irrelevant.  I made an appointment at Urgent Care for the following day since I needed to see the doctor who is not married to a…

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Health Life Travel

I Love New Yorkers

Today my daughters requested that I notify them prior to entering the basement when they are playing dolls.  I narrowed my eyes at them.  I know exactly what this means… their Barbies are now sexually active.  Because we were poor growing up, my family could not afford to purchase an…

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Health Latest Life

Listen To My Intuition

I attribute my extraordinary sense of intuition to be the guiding force behind my countless successes in life.  Case in point:  Last month when I was in Hawaii with my girlfriends, we drove past the beach where Bethany Hamilton’s arm was chomped off by a shark.  I then learned approximately…

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Health Marriage

Hi My Name is Erin And I Have A Problem

Mike recently staged an intervention after he discovered me cutting up antibiotics with a razor blade and snorting them off the toilet.  He informed me he would no longer write me prescriptions for z-packs until I saw a specialist about my chronic sinus issues.  “Michael, it is super inconvenient to have to…

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Family Health Marriage Travel

The Happiest Place On Earth

Last weekend, God once again ordered me to complete a three day community service stint at Disneyland as my penance for lighting fires and drowning kittens in a previous life.  Apparently I was a real bitch before I reincarnated into Erin-1979.  Fortunately, I have really turned things around in this…

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