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Category: Beauty

Beauty Latest

Our Lips Are Sealed

Lisa: Did you know our vaginas are atrophying as we speak? Erin: Duh. This is why I suffer from anxiety. I lie awake every night worrying about my old vagina. So what have you signed us up for? Lisa: I received an email from a doctor who wants to laser…

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Beauty Latest Lisa and Erin

Superficial Vains

Erin: (Laying on Lisa’s table getting face lasered) “Ow. That fucking hurts. Are you about to start your period? Based on the joy you are eliciting from afflicting pain on my face, I can totally tell your progesterone levels are nonexistent.” Lisa: “You know what hurts? When I tell you…

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Beauty Latest Life

Lets Get to the Bottom of It

A few days ago, I posted a picture on Facebook of me completely crashed out, facedown on my couch. I can fall asleep anytime/anywhere, including, but not limited to: parking lots, carpool lanes, airplanes, dinner tables, plays, movies, heavy metal rock concerts, super expensive private helicopter rides over majestic waterfalls…

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Beauty Friends Latest Life

Disco Party

The Text Exchange Lisa:  Do you want to go to a Korean bathhouse in a really bad part of town with me tomorrow? Erin:  Okay. Lisa:  We have to be naked. Erin:  You are going to be jealous of my svelte vagina. Lisa:  I will pick you up at 11:00.…

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Beauty Life Marriage Travel

I Am a Dickhead

Two days before Mike and I left for California to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary, I decided to have a microderm and a “gentle” chemical peel to make my face glow much as it did the day he married me (yes, I was totally pregnant).  The procedure smarted a bit,…

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Beauty Life Pooping

Shit Doesn’t Always Happen

My Mormon cousin Jill is now selling colon cleanses and wanted me to try one.  Jill has 5 kids and is totally sexy so my curiosity peaked.  I asked her if it would turn me Mormon.  She said no and because my week was already shit, I decided to go…

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