To Our Illiterate Friends

As many of you who follow us on Facebook and Twitter are already aware, we decided to begin podcasting in addition to blogging, so that people who can’t read are now able to experience the insurmountable joy we bring to the world.  We are super thoughtful like that.  Our IT guy, Jack, insisted that we get some professional pictures taken (for his private collection.)  Just kidding.  He hates us.  Like seriously.  Like he is probably on a heavy bender right now after dealing with us for two straight weeks.

We both suffer with varying degrees of ADD, except it hasn’t actually been diagnosed, so we aren’t medicated.  We will sit down to write and somehow end up at Nordstroms trying on lipgloss.  Apparently, this is quite annoying to Jack since he is void of empathy and emotion probably as a result from working with computers for so long.  (*Jack is single.)

Anywho, we arranged a photo shoot at Jimmy’s Fashion Photography.  (*Jimmy also hates us.) Jimmy takes amazing pictures and is incredibly skilled at photoshopping.  We had our makeup professionally done, decided on some outfits and then headed over to his studio.

Getting pictures taken is incredibly stressful as most women and gay men will attest.  Jimmy kept telling us to “make funny expressions” and “look natural” or “try to look less natural”.  He kept saying that Lisa “looked like Palm Springs” because she is so chic and beautiful in EVERY picture and that she could be a “catalogue model” since her expression never changes.  Lisa is obviously up-to-date on her Botox.

Erin, on the other hand,  was more like “Disneyworld,” the confirmed cesspool of the nation.  Human beings actually voluntarily go to this hell-hole.  In fact, people pay an exorbitant amount of money to wait in long lines under the scorching sun, while alternating between yelling at their grubby, exhausted kids and stuffing their faces with churros astride their weighted down motor-scooters.  Wtf.

Jimmy was becoming increasingly frustrated with us until some lady walked into the kitchen and farted.  We laughed super hard, he finally got a few good shots and we called it.  As we were leaving, we told the guy at the front desk that we were getting our engagement photos.  He was totally supportive.  Like if we ever really do get married, we are definitely inviting him.

Annnnnnd there you have it.  We have so much to share with the world.  In fact, we already have a few amaaaaazingly funny podcasts unfortunately, you will not be hearing these because we were not paying attention when Jack taught us how to turn on the mic.  Have a fabulous week!!!

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