Yesterday I woke to find numerous text messages on my phone regarding a close friend that was seriously ill and wondering if I could help. I jumped out of bed and threw on some shoes, asked if Mike could manage, kissed our children and ran out the door. I spent most of the day with my friend and was blissfully unaware of the tragedy that had occurred in Connecticut.
When I finally made it back home I sat down to check my e-mail and started screaming in horror as I read the details. Hysteria blanketed me and I could not stop crying, realizing that my children were in their elementary school at that very moment. I have a kindergartener. I know all these children. I was volunteering in her classroom yesterday and notably recalled being filled with insurmountable joy as I was the recipient of numerous unsolicited hugs from these precious little people.
At the very moment of conception there was an inexplicable cellular change that transpired. I was forever indebted to ensuring my children’s survival. An intricate, irreplaceable bond was being constructed as my child grew inside me; I realized I was going to be a mother but had no idea the depths at which this feat would take me. As I crumbled to the floor and wept with ferocity yesterday, I knew my greatest vulnerability was exposed and there was nothing I could do to stop the tidal wave of pain from wracking my body. This could have been my child.
Growing up, my value as a human being was measured by what I perceived others as having. I thought title, prestige or wealth were the components of happiness. I have learned through trial and error and often painful lessons that this is simply not the truth. I received a wonderful gift from the universe a couple weeks ago when my husband surprised me and took me to a jewelry store for no reason and told me to pick out a new ring. As touched as I was by the sentiment, the greatest gift was realizing that there was absolutely nothing I wanted. I am full. We left without purchasing anything and I could not have been more elated. My value as a human being and greatest source of joy comes from the ever-flowing abundant supply of love that is constantly surrounding and flowing through me.
As I drifted off to sleep holding my daughter in her bunk bed last night, an insight was delivered. The earthly tragedies will absolutely cease to exist when we surrender to self love. When we learn that we are all okay. We are all of the same. We will all return to the same. There is nothing to be scared of. A body is only a vehicle to take us to the places we need to go to learn our lessons. Love ourselves in the same manner in which we love our children. They will learn this from us and the world WILL change in a brilliant way. I am so full of unconditional love for each of you. Thank you for loving me. XO