Whenever I laugh, I cry. I cannot help it; this has been a problem for awhile. Right now I am sobbing. I was looking at my sister’s fb wall and she posted a positive affirmation for herself saying “I am yes person. I am a yes person. I am yes person.” Clearly she did not think this out. So underneath I typed:
Homeless Person: Will you have sex with me?
Mom: Will you swear to take care of me in my old age when I am incontinent?
Me: Will you give me all your cute expensive clothes?
Dad: Do you want to take a father/daughter road trip across the country for old times’ sake?
Daughter: Can I have another hamster?
Me Again: Can I buy her another hamster?
Mom: Will you go with me to one of those naked bathhouses I like to frequent?
Daughter: Can I have a slumber party here with my entire class tomorrow?
Me Again: Do you ever wish we were adopted?
Dude: Do you trust me?
Dude Again: Do you want to try something new? (Coy voice. Wink, wink)
I was lying on the floor in convulsions from laughing so hard. I called my sister and informed her I was officially a “NO” person after reading the hot mess she just made for herself. Without missing a beat she said (pretending to be a dude) “Oh in that case……….Bitch (meaning me), DO YOU MIND if we try something new?” I love her. I really, reallllllllllly love her. XO