Poop

Baby Poop

This morning my sister called me while I was in the bathtub….

Erika:  I feel like I am pregnant but I know that is not possible.

Me:  What makes you feel that way?

Erika:  I am bloated, my boobs hurt and I am peeing when I laugh.

Me:  Oh My God.  You are totally going to take a poop and a baby is going to plop out in the toilet like on that show “I Did Not Know I Was Pregnant.” HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Erika:  That is the stupidest show EVER.  Who shits out a baby?

Me:  Well, apparently enough women to make a show out of it.  Are you having contractions?  Do you want me to come over and deliver my new niece or nephew?

Erika:  Yeah, can you come over, feed me ice chips and be my labor coach?

Me:  Yes and I will bring the video camera.  Was the last dude you slept with French?

Erika:  No.

Me:  Okay, so this is good news! Was he rich by any chance?

Erika:  Yes.

Me:  Sweet!  This is really exciting!  Everything is going to be fine then.  Try to calm down and focus on your breathing, your body knows what it needs to do.

Erika:  Mom is totally going to freak.

Me:  Yeah, you should probably let me adopt your poop and raise it as my own.

Erika:  I have to go.  I have a hair appointment.

Me:  Bye.  Don’t forget to shave your legs.

Erika:  Later.

XO

 

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