Dogs Grief Latest Life

Spell Dog Backwards

Broc- GOD!!! Nice to see you again! (Runs up to God to smell crotch) God- Broccoli! You returned right on schedule! You lived a long life on earth my friend. I don’t envy you. (God chuckles and scratches him on head) Broc- Well, I did what I could with Erin.…

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Family Latest Life Pets

Dog Almost Gone It

For those of you who do not follow me on Facebook, my precious lab passed away a little over a week ago. Right now I feel heartbroken, lost, numb, guilty, grief-stricken and even a little pissed. I guess I just miss my boy. Now, even though I usually love me…

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Family Latest Life Motherhood

Dear Daughters

Dear Daughters, I know you are all at ages where listening to me is utterly monotonous. I get it. Trust me, Dad has felt it for 15 long years. However, I am asking you to read this and then you can go right back to your phones, iPads, and laptops.…

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Beauty Latest

Our Lips Are Sealed

Lisa: Did you know our vaginas are atrophying as we speak? Erin: Duh. This is why I suffer from anxiety. I lie awake every night worrying about my old vagina. So what have you signed us up for? Lisa: I received an email from a doctor who wants to laser…

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Children Family Latest Life

Don’t Touch Brown Coral

My daughter picked up a human shit on the beach. Yep. Ya’ read it right. We had just arrived at our relaxing island destination for vacation. Our room wasn’t ready yet, so we decided to go exploring. Mike and I were strolling along an absolutely pristine beach, hand in hand,…

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Family Latest Life Pets

I Told You to Stay

I took Broccoli to the vet for a check-up. My old dog happily obliges. He loves the vet. Not because he is a hypochondriac. He loves everyone. His blood work came back. The vet wants to run a few more tests. Something is not right. I am skilled at detecting…

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Jobs Latest Life Money

Odd Jobs

My sister and I were recently discussing all the things we have done to make money over the course of our lives. Growing up poor was awesome because there was never a job that we were too good for. We freaking loved to make money and we were straight up…

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Beauty Latest Lisa and Erin

Superficial Vains

Erin: (Laying on Lisa’s table getting face lasered) “Ow. That fucking hurts. Are you about to start your period? Based on the joy you are eliciting from afflicting pain on my face, I can totally tell your progesterone levels are nonexistent.” Lisa: “You know what hurts? When I tell you…

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